Yep, I see you. Keep reading and I'm going to give you a much-needed call out.
Oh behalf of all hiring teams and managers (including my past and present self) we see your eagerness.
When you treat the person you’re networking with as a means to an end (landing a job), the interaction becomes transactional. People sense when they’re being approached solely for what they can offer you, and let’s be honest—no one likes that.
By the time your "hire me" message hits their LinkedIn inbox, the real truth is this: you've put yourself 3 steps behind.
So, how do you network authentically while still keeping your career goals in mind? Here are some thoughts to consider:
Step 1: Act like there isn’t a job opportunity on the table.
The first step is to ask yourself: If there weren't a job opening, would I still reach out to connect with this person?
When you approach networking with the intent to build a relationship and genuinely learn from someone, the interaction feels authentic—and it is. By focusing on connection rather than immediate gain, you cultivate trust and authenticity.
The good news? Authentic relationships are far more likely to lead to future opportunities, regardless of whether or not a job is available at the time.
Step 2: Ask for Advice, Not an Outcome
In your initial outreach, resist the temptation to mention the job you’re eyeing or ask for a recommendation.
Think about it: You wouldn’t propose marriage on the first date, would you? Instead, express genuine interest in the person and their career journey.
For example, you might say something like this:
“I see that you do [specific kind of work]. I’m considering a career in [specific kind of work] and would love to hear about your journey and your advice for someone who wants to do what you’re doing.”
This approach signals that you’re interested in learning from them, not just using them to get a job. It’s the difference between saying, “Can you help me?” and “I value your expertise.”
Step 3: Come Prepared with Curious Questions
When you connect—whether it’s in person or over Zoom—treat the conversation as a learning opportunity.
Have a short list of thoughtful questions ready. Here are a few of my favorites to get you started:
What’s the most fulfilling part of your job?
What’s the most challenging part of your job?
What would you do if you were in my shoes and wanted to pursue a career like yours?
Do you have any advice on other people I should connect with to keep learning and expanding my network?
These questions not only demonstrate your curiosity but also allow the person to share insights that can genuinely help you.
Step 4: Dial Down the Urgency
I know—when you’re unemployed or stuck in a toxic job, networking can feel like a high-stakes game.
But here’s the truth: You’re more likely to land a job faster when you focus on building relationships rather than chasing immediate outcomes.
Why? Because a paycheck is often the result of a trusted relationship.
If you’re skeptical, try this experiment: Send a few transactional messages asking for a recommendation or directly inquiring about a job.
Then, send a few relational messages asking for 15 minutes to learn from someone’s experiences. Track your responses. I think you’ll find that the relational approach gets better results.
The Bottom Line
Networking doesn’t have to feel high-pressure or inauthentic. When you approach it with genuine curiosity and a willingness to learn, you’ll find that people are more willing to help you—and those authentic connections will open doors in ways you never expected.
Remember, networking is about building trust, not just finding a job. And trust takes time—but it’s always worth the investment.
Ali Goodin Certified Career Coach in Central FL
I'm a former Disney employee, graphic designer turned career coach, and job transition expert. I created Ful Life Coaching to give professionals of all ages & stages a safe space to navigate career transition. My passion is equipping professionals with the tools and confidence they need to transition in their careers – from launch to retirement – so they can live happier, healthier lives.