Dear parents of 20-somethings:
You’re probably reading this because you’ve hit a dead end with your 20-something kid.
You can’t understand why they can’t make a decision. You give them career advice and they don’t listen. Or perhaps they sit at home doing nothing, just waiting for opportunity to come their way without putting in the effort you know is required.
Truth is: half of my clients are people in their 20s who are stuck because they're untangling their parents' expectations of them versus what they truly want.
They’re talking to me about what they wish their parents understood. They’re sharing what would actually make them feel supported.
Even bigger truth is: If you have a kid in their teens or 20s, the things you’re saying and doing to “set them up for career success” could be hurting more than they’re helping.
Here are 10 things I wish parents of 20-somethings knew:
Degrees aren’t a guarantee. A four-year university or grad school is NOT the only path to success. People will spend $60k on a master's and still not be able to land a job.
It’s ok that your dreams for your kids are different than what they dream for themselves.
Supporting your kids will strengthen your relationship. Controlling your kids will weaken it.
Your adult kids aren’t your responsibility. They will make their own choices. And they will make their own mistakes.
Asking your kids the right questions can help them gain clarity. Instead of asking “why” ask them specific questions about “what, how, who, when.”
Your kids don’t want you to dictate their life. They’d rather you be part of their life. Focus more on having joyful, meaningful experiences with your kids than trying get them to do the “right thing.”
Having rigid expectations for your kids' career path isn’t unconditional love.
Covering all of your adult child’s expenses could be enabling them to stay stuck.
A therapist or career coach can help them get unstuck in ways you can’t. Both can help them figure out what their blocks are and what they want.
Your kids want your unconditional love more than anything else. Most kids just want to hear their parents say: “I have no conditions about your future other than you being happy and successful by your definition. Help me understand what that means to you.”
Parents: I hope these observations help you feel seen, because thanks to you, you’ve had one of the most important careers of all: raising the next generation of successful, impactful professionals.
Now it’s your turn to flip the page and challenge your adult children to take the lead, make mistakes, and contribute to the impact that is the human experience.
Ali Goodin Certified Career Coach in Central FL
I'm a former Disney employee, graphic designer turned career coach, and job transition expert. I created Ful Life Coaching to give professionals of all ages & stages a safe space to navigate career transition. My passion is equipping professionals with the tools and confidence they need to transition in their careers – from launch to retirement – so they can live happier, healthier lives.